How to gain weight AFTER a hysterectomy

I have been very successful at gaining weight after my hysterectomy since June 2014.  I haven’t tried hard at all.  I never knew this was something I set out to do until I did it.

fat cat

The low down on how to gain weight after a hysterectomy (in no particular order):

  • Stop weighing yourself daily or even weekly for that matter.  Push the scale far under the bed so you won’t want to crawl down there with the dust bunnies to retrieve it.  The longer the scale stays out of reach the more your muffin top will discourage you from trying to bend over, getting down on all fours to get it.  Let the poor scale be — it’s honestly sick of you stepping all over it anyway.
  • Eat ALL and I do mean ALL of the foods you were either limited to or forbidden as a child or teen.  For me this included Doritos, Cheetos, powdered donuts, candy bars of any kind especially Heath, Skor and Snickers.  I like to do the salty-sugar-salty balance routine: begin with something salty, then something sweet followed by something salty so you don’t feel so guilty by ending on a sweet.
  • Eat lots of chocolate.  Try to avoid the dark chocolate as it may have some “health benefits”.  After your hysterectomy you will want to eat lots of chocolate — I did.
  • Coffee with cream or milk and some sort of flavoring is a good way to start your day, brighten your midsection mid afternoon and kick start your insomnia night.  Make sure to try ALL kinds of coffee from almost every place you can find.  Try iced coffees, store coffees, coffees at friends homes, but only with real milk or cream and a sweetener of some sort, of course.  When you develop palpitations from the caffeine that will be your signal to back off just a bit.
  • Have I mentioned cheese? cheese board Pretend you have just become French and must catch up on trying all the worlds cheeses, especially creamy brie and camembert-like cheeses.  If you go to a party and there is a cheese tray see how much cheese you can actually eat.  See if that’s all you can eat.
  • Be sure to drink all the wine you’ve always wanted to try.  Now that you don’t have a uterus there is no fear of poisoning dear baby in the womb.  The baby house is gone so you’re free to drink up!  This includes cocktails of all sorts as well.  My new favorite is The Blue Moon made with Creme de Violette.

    THE BLUE MOON Instructions: In a cocktail shaker with ice, combine 2 ounces gin, 3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice and 3/4 ounce Crème de Violette. Shake that all up and strain into a cocktail coupe. Garnish with a brandied cherry.

    Instructions: In a cocktail shaker with ice, combine 2 ounces gin, 3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice and 3/4 ounce Crème de Violette. Shake that all up and strain into a cocktail coupe. Garnish with a brandied cherry.

  • To further weight gain sans uterus be sure to buy and try all of the different cakes and other desserts that you’ve been putting off for years because they’re “fattening”. Who cares?! If you like one dessert in particular, for me it was chocolate pot de crème, keep buying it, eating it again and again until you finally tire of that dessert.  It took a couple months, but I finally moved on to something other than pot de crème. Be patient with yourself as you move through all the desserts you’ve ever wanted to try.      pot de creme
  • Watch mostly foodie shows on TV (telly for you Brits) and Netflix.  Make sure to subscribe to lots of food blogs and follow Pinterest pinners boards with food, food and more food.  You can start with my Pinterest food board here to help stimulate your appetite: FOOD & DRINKS — MY BAD SIDE (Pinterest).
  • Be sure to include as much bacon in your life as much as possible.
  • When buying clothes always choose the larger size … it will give you some to aspire to (or grow into).
  • Go to Italy.  Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love certainly wasn’t joking when she talked about gaining weight in Italy!  Apparently, even Julia Roberts who starred in the film based on the book (read the book, skip the movie) gained weight during the filming while in Italy.  When I was in Eatly, I mean Italy, I gained seven pounds in seven days!  Pretty awesome huh?  I’d say one month in Italy and you’d be treating yourself to a whole new wardrobe upon your return.

That’s about all the weight gain tips I can come up with today … I’m going to go have a snack!  KIDDING!  I’m actually going to drink some water and start with the realization that I’ve been the one all along causing my pants to become tight and to feel full all the time … it was never the hysterectomy that has made me gain weight but my adventures described above instead.

And by the way, I don’t think what I’ve been doing for over a year (see above) has exactly been heathy, but it has been a fun journey of sorts. I think I’m done gaining weight.  

For my first exercise, I’m turning over a new leaf.  Today makes four days that I have gone without eating a daily Snickers bar.  I’m not saying I didn’t think about eating one though …
leaf quote

4 thoughts on “How to gain weight AFTER a hysterectomy

  1. Seriously though, I just got done eating a piece of Lemon Cake, and my trainer wonders why I haven’t lost any weight since we started working out together. That will be our little secret. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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