I failed and I’m sweating

Sleep of the universe.

Hormones, hormone, hormones … can’t see them, can’t smell them but boy oh boy when they’re off you certainly feel it.

I decided to go off  my Lo Loestrin (my drug … er, hormone of choice) for the following reasons:

1. Maybe less hormones in my body will  help me lose weight (Ha ha ha — nice try!)
2. Maybe I don’t really need hormones.  (And maybe I don’t need air to breathe either.)
3. To see what happens again when I stop the hormones.
4. Going off hormones should help my heart right?  Because hormones (estrogen/progesterone) are purportedly bad for your heart, right?
5. I’m strong (mentally not physically) and don’t need another medication in my body!  (Wrong!  There IS better living through chemistry.)
6. Other women don’t need hormones and I should be just as capable of handling my peri-menopause as well as they do, shouldn’t I?  (Nothing like comparing yourself to others to heighten your expectations!)
7. Maybe the last time I had such a bad experience with going off hormones was because it was only my imagination and that I didn’t give it enough time.
8. I decided to fix things that aren’t broken.
9. Maybe sleep IS overrated?!

I have been off Lo Loestrin for almost eight weeks … yes, I’ve toughed it out that long.  The first three weeks off was no problem having no peri-menopausal symptoms at all.  I thought for sure I was in the clear and didn’t need the Lo Loestrin anymore. Then for the next couple of weeks I was getting hot pretty much all the time (and I don’t mean sexy hot), and being that the weather has been getting cooler I welcomed the internal warmth.  Then for the next two weeks I’ve had hot flashes, flushing, night sweats, day sweats and insomnia.  I might be a bit more emotionally sensitive and on edge lately too.  I cried at yoga twice recently and I’ve been doing yoga for years without tears!  I don’t want to be that emotional crying yoga lady!  People ain’t got time to hear that poor me sh*t.

DR. ROBERT BARBIERI HAS THIS TO  SAY ABOUT LO LOESTRIN FE:

One circumstance in which a low-estrogen [oral contraceptive] might be especially useful:

The peri-menopausal woman.

During the perimenopause, many women have cycles characterized by markedly abnormal hormone levels. For example, some cycles in perimenopausal women are characterized by excessively high estradiol secretion and very low progesterone secretion. Other cycles are characterized by low estradiol secretion for an extended length of time. These abnormal patterns of hormone secretion contribute to …  vasomotor symptoms. 

It used to be that my hot flashes and flushing were triggered by alcohol, especially red wine, intense emotions (especially those people who play the devil’s advocate), hot baths, coffee, spicy food and hot weather.  Now all of these hellish sensations, and yes, it is like the heat of hell, are now triggered by driving, sitting up straight, smiling, thinking, frowning, clipping my toenails, watching birds fly, looking at my black cat, looking at my grey cat, breathing, making the bed, contemplating making the bed, flushing the toilet, putting on lipstick, blinking … really anything and everything triggers these horrific sweaty, flushing, insomniac bouts of life sensations  for no frickin’ rhyme or reason.  In fact, I’m sweating it up right now just writing this!

Last night, after feeling like a hormone-addicted-failure, I restarted my Lo Loestrin and I’m sure it will take a week or two before I start feeling normal whatever the heck normal is.  I was so excited to save on the heating bill this year because I’ve been able to tolerate the temperature at 65F (18 C for all you metric freaks and foreigners reading this).  I was planning on saving so much money … but no, the heat’s going  back up because I’m going to get cold (and thermoregulated) when my exogenous hormone regime is back up to snuff.  Yeah, poor, poor me and my first world problems … but folks, first world problems are the only ones I really know!

For any of you women out there suffering from hot flashes and the like from this wonderful part of life, I get ya totally.  I read that hot flashes can last from several months to 15 years!  And there have been some women in their 70s and 80s still suffering from this BS!  

I am weak and I admit it.  I cannot tolerate sleeping in 20-30 minute increments every night. I cannot handle having about 40 and I’m not exaggerating, hot flashes and sweating episodes daily.  I can’t do this … I’m just not that strong (physically speaking).  So, Lo Loestrin, I welcome you back with my flushed face, sweaty crevices, moist mustache area and sleep-deprived mind!

And come to think of it … I have been eating more crap since I haven’t been sleeping well while also trying to distract myself from these peri-menopausal symptoms!  More coffee to wake up … more wine to wind down … but what really pushed me over the edge was not being able to pick up and love my cats — they were just too hot to handle!

Do you know how hot cats are?!?!

A cat’s normal body temperature can range from 100.5 to 102.5 degrees. Because 101.5 degrees is right in the middle, it’s often referred to as a “normal” body temperature.

More on those hot fur babies.

F*ck it!  I need Lo Loestrin!

PS: Regarding the graphic above … I’m not really concerned if my sperm count decreases … if it increased at all I’d be F*CK!ING alarmed out of my mind … guess that one is for men!  Not to be confused with menopause!