It really is amazing how hysterectomies are done!

I’m not sure why I’ve just now had this thought, but it’s truly incredible that my GYN surgeon removed my uterus through my vagina, made four small incisions in my abominopelvic region, severed tendons & ligaments & spaghetti noodles, making a vaginal cuff while not perforating my bowel or bladder and leaving my tubes and ovaries in!

This is frickin’ amazing!

amazed cat

DIY cat says hysterectomy surgery cannot be done at home by yourself!

This is quite a skill to learn — the da Vinci Laparoscopic Total Hysterectomy (or really any other type of hysterectomy) AND performing it properly while improving a woman’s quality of life!  I think the da Vinci Laparoscopic method is much more impressive than the open hysterectomy. The da Vinci method has only four tiny incisions while comparitively with the open method everything can be seen and dealt with directly through one LARGE incision!

YAY!DOCTORS!

My surgeon rocks!  Thank you!!!!

But some how, some way, my doctor removed the uterus and repaired the cutting of all the parts he had to while he was in there while sitting at a robotic machine.  It’s really odd that two years out I thought about this surgery in this way just as late as today.  I can only assume before I was watching my body, tending to my healing time and now I’ve finally had some time to reflect on this amazing surgeon’s skills!  All good surgeons are incredibly skilled … not simply Ob/Gyns … but I didn’t have other surgeries so my amazement and appreciation lie with my successful da Vinci Lap Hyst!

cat surgeon at computer

Dr. Cat says, “This is not what a uterus is supposed to look like!”

Search terms just for YOU!

Other fellow bloggers know what I’m talking about … ever look at that SEARCH TERMS section on your stats?  Yeah, I get some interesting, obvious, bizarre and bat-sh*t-crazy search terms listed.  Let me take a little time to answer some of these specifically … or lead the curious to answers!


QUESTION:  After hysterectomy blues because it’s still sore …

By “it” I’m assuming you mean your vaginal area?  Perhaps, more accurately your abdominal area … well, yes, yes, you’ll still be sore!  You just had a MAJOR surgery.  Did your surgeon not explain this to you?  A hysterectomy is not like a manicure … and if you hurt from your manicure something definitely went wrong there.  Cheer up.  Wait the 6-12 weeks your doctor recommends before you resume aggressive cuddling, assault with a a friendly weapon, bam-bam in the ham, completing the jigsaw puzzle, batter-dippping the corn dog (or the horn dog) or bisecting the triangle (AKA sexual intercourse).  Your blues will dissipate eventually … either that, or you may need hormone replacement!  Be patient with yourself and your body.  (Easier said than done!)

pumpkin empty therapy


QUESTION: Hysterectomy before and after pictures?

Check this out: YOU ARE SO LUCKY I TOOK PICS! 

Simplified man Point Top

Check the above photos out!


QUESTION: What is a vaginal cuff?

VAGINAL CUFF MADNESS  — It’s more than a sock!

cat what is that


QUESTION: How many post-op appointments after an abdominal hysterectomy?

One thousand.  Yep, you’ll have to go see your doctor at least 1000 times.  It might seem like a lot but YOU are worth it!  This will be your new hobby.  No, really, I don’t know.  I had my hysterectomy performed (not to brag) the da Vinci Laparoscopic Hysterectomy method.  I had one follow-up appointment 6 weeks later, and then a few months later to deal with that nasty vaginal cuff granuloma.  Maybe you’ll need more post-op appointments depending on your general health, how your abdominal incision is healing, how much pain you have and whatever your surgeon recommends.

doctors office advice


QUESTION: Why does it take longer to recover from a hysterectomy than a c-section?

Short answer: You DON’T have a baby to distract you.

Long answer: Hysterectomy vs. C-section

c-section matroshka


QUESTION: What is used to create a cuff after a hysterectomy?

Two things: licorice (black, of course) and cat fur.  Just kidding.   It’s really bitcoins … bitcoins hold that cuff together!  KIDDING!  The vaginal cuff is not really created with anything more than your own tissue.  The vaginal cuff is actually a removal of the cervix with surrounding attachments sutured closed.  See What is a vaginal cuff” above.

Licorice cats candy


QUESTION: Full hysterectomy but still pregnant?

What?!  No, seriously what?  You might need a hysterectomy after your pregnancy — usually only for emergent cases of injury or rupture.  I’m not really sure what you’re asking.  I hoped my answer helped more than it hurt … because your question hurt my brain.

confused black lady


QUESTION: Is it normal to poop from your vagina after a hysterectomy?

While some may consider this a special skill, no, no and more no this is not normal and you should not sign up for the circus as a freak entertainer no matter how much they offer to pay you!  THIS IS NOT NORMAL.  It’s also not normal to poop from your nose, mouth, belly button or third eye.  Please see your doctor like yesterday if you have feces coming from your vagina even if you have never had a hysterectomy.

If you are building a log cabin from your vagina you are most likely experiencing a rectovaginal fistula.  You will need to see a colorectal surgeon to fix the wall between your rectal area and vagina.  Don’t worry, the surgery will not take as long as building a border wall between Mexico and the U.S. — nor will it cost as much!

pooping pool someecards

Whew!  I’ve had it up to the cuff with these questions and am really pooped out now!

cat exhausted

Hunting for eggs on Easter!

easter happy grumpy cat

Happy Easter!

Another pagan holiday to celebrate! Whoopee.  Apparently, besides all the religious stuff with Easter … Easter symbolizes fertility. Yeah, I guess eggs were the big clue. infertility someecards

Would you like to go on an Easter egg hunt?

In my pelvis? Don’t worry, there’s no more uterus in your way … I think I have about six eggs left. Maybe five.  HINT: I have two ovaries.  Good luck!  Let me know what you find!

[I]t’s been popularly believed that Easter is represented by a bunny for a couple reasons … because Easter started as a pagan holiday, and the Germanic goddess Eostre was fond of hares. Rabbits in general are also pretty well known for repopulating rather quickly (especially in the spring), and as Eostre represented fertility, a rabbit was a proper symbol.

Easter in general is about the celebration of new life. Christians … believe Easter is the holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. Some actually believe the rabbit symbolizes Jesus himself … what better way to celebrate renewal than with a rabbit?

~ from Why is there an Easter Bunny?

No worries … Easter is a happy holiday for me! easter bunny cute

I don’t celebrate in a religious way and I certainly don’t mourn the loss of my uterus or inability to be a “fertile Myrtle”!

Growing up, my mom would make a big to-do about Easter. No, we never went to church, at least not any time after I was able to form memories. Easter was about looking for eggs and eating candy. Mom would make a fancy ham, leeks with cream sauce, parsnips, mashed rutabagas, roasted carrots, and buttered new red potatoes with fresh parsley.

She went all out!

Apparently, the goddess Ēostre had a thing for rabbits — some legends even describe her as having the head of a hare. It makes sense, too. Ēostre was the goddess of fertility, and bunnies, as we know, are known for their ability to populate. According to some twists on Ēostre’s story, the goddess once transformed a bird into a rabbit, which helps to explain why the Easter Bunny is also associated with eggs.

Although the Easter Bunny has pagan origins, it worked its way into the easter Christian celebration of Easter thanks to German Protestants who began celebrating an “Easter hare” in the early 1600s.

easter grumpy cat

Grumpy cat is a sassy girl! GRUMPY CAT IS A FEMALE.

~ from Why Do We Celebrate Easter?

 

Rabbits have been associated with fertility from pagan times into the present. (I have friends who like to say “they go at it like rabbits” when discussing the sexual habits of others.) It seems likely that the Easter Bunny is an ancient pagan tradition (though the association of the bunny with the myth-less Eostra is most certainly a modern invention), but the first references to the Easter Bunny only date back to the 1500s. That doesn’t mean the Easter Bunny didn’t exist before those first references to the Germanic Oschter Haws (or Osterhase), it just can’t be documented.

~ from Eostre, Easter, Ostara, Eggs, and Bunnies

Easter nowadays for me is about eating … skip looking for eggs! Mine are shriveled, but it doesn’t mean Easter can’t be fun. In fact, I took my husband out for a fantastic Easter brunch today … no ham involved, but a lot of fancy Italian food. Buona Pasqua!

easter cat jesusI don’t have any kids with whom to celebrate Easter, with the exception of my nephew and niece who are both too busy hyped up on sugar looking for more candy that I’m invisible!  I don’t feel bad about not having children infertility someecards no kidsto hide eggs from making Easter a special holiday though.  Easter is simply a Sunday where some shops are closed, there’s peace and the celebration of food is at the core … not to mention all the lovely tree pollen allergies that come with Spring! Oy vey, the oak, the oak!

Achoo!


 My hysterectomy, no kids and Easter … not sure what all these have in common but hope your Easter was an eggcellent one!

easter cat bunny chocolate

Mmmmm … chocolate!

A Tough Decision & the Answer.

cat questioned

Oh, that tough question … 

Recently I was in a group discussion and was asked, “What has happened in the last couple years or recently that was a tough decision and how did you handle it?”

The only things that came to mind were: 1) getting my “new” used car while parting with my savings money, and 2) my hysterectomy.  Getting the “new” used car didn’t seem challenging enough or frankly even interesting.  I went there — to the removal of the baby house.  Now I have strangers, seemingly nice and smart strangers, knowing that I don’t have a uterus anymore.  Is this OK?  

I apologized to the two guys in the room for this “woman talk” … they were manly men and what man sits around chatting about hysterectomy?  None that I know of, and I’m not talking about Ob/Gyns who might have lovely hysterectomy discussions … maybe even hysterical ones!  But the usual man, is he going to talk about these things?  It’s hard enough for a man to say the word vasectomy alone!  Thank goodness my discussion wasn’t about a mastectomy … but if it was, perhaps I would have gone there too.  Oy vey!

I told them this was a decision I didn’t make over night, that I included my husband (a man), and how surgery includes a “loss”

Reproductiveloss

REPRODUCTIVE LOSS

and that usually all loss decisions are difficult even when necessary.  I didn’t say the scary word dysmenorrhea because I didn’t think my actual diagnosis was pertinent to the answer.  Plus I didn’t want to give a vocabulary lesson either!  And what if I’d been misinterpreted and they thought I had a hysterectomy for diarrhea instead?!

There’s something relieving about taking about “a forbidden or taboo subject” and hoping not to be judged while feeling as though you’ve opened up in a personal way.  Luckily, the people with whom I was with, all had medical backgrounds; I have to imagine medical topics are more easily approached and discussed for such professionals.

The other tidbit these individuals got to discover about me is that I don’t and won’t have any children.  Is this OK?  This is my reality and I’m completely accepting of this.  One of the things that I will miss about not having a child (or children) is that I will never get the opportunity to help shape my child’s future and teach them everything I possibly can.  The closest I get to this is that I tutor my neighbor’s daughter.  She’s a teenager who’s incredibly both bright and intelligent, but is in a rebellious stage with doing (or not doing) her homework.  Every time I tutor her, I empathize with many parents of teens and their emotional struggles they have raising this particular age group.

The saddest part about this meeting is that I didn’t get to tell them that while I don’t have children I do have cats.

cat grey

 

Totally freakin’ off topic! Blog anyone?

love blogging

Yep, it’s me again NOT writing about hysterectomy on my hysterectomy blog — that’s a problem with a niche blog.

However, I must say one of the greatest things that came from my hysterectomy is that because I decided to chronicle my journey … to write an experiential blog, I got to learn two things I never knew.

  1. I love blogging.  Simply love it.  Now while I may not blog every day and bombard my readers (YOU) with two or three posts daily or even monthly, I’m continually blogging in my head.  You should see the number of imaginary posts I’ve not written!
  2. The other, and possibly more incredible thing I got from this hysterectomy journey is that I love reading other bloggers blogs.  I had no idea I would even do or like this.

Here’s the shout out part … a list of my favorite bloggers I follow.  The vast majority are NOT related to hysterectomy!  And this list is also not all-inclusive.  I may have left some bloggers out … please do not be offended if your blog isn’t mentioned.  It’s nothing personal.

Wow!  I just looked and I follow 142 blogs?!  How the hell do I do that?!  Well, for starters I don’t have kids.  If I did they would be severely neglected … it would be an awful story, but maybe another interesting blog called “How I Ignore My Kids & Love My Blog”.  The reason I’m able to follow 142 blogs … really?!  Is because all you fools do not write and post every day … now some of you post shorties and pics that I can keep up with … but full-on harangues fall by the waste side or are better known as “unfollowed”.

blogs-i-follow

These are NOT in any special order just so we’ve made that clear … it’s not like best to worst or anything.  So don’t cry if you’re not first on this list.

  • Luke Cats Yes, of course I’d start off one of my favorites with a cat blog.  What else would you expect.  Lots of pics here.  This guy really likes cats.  ❤
  • Gray Haired Big Mouth Holy criminy, this chick tells it like it is.  I have so much fun reading this blog.  It’s not for children.  It’s not for alcoholics who might be afraid to relapse.
  • It’s a Thought This blogger does blog frequently, but not too much.  She goes deep, sometimes funny and most often original.
  • Hot Mess Memoir Love the day-to-day things she writes about.  If you’re depressed you NEED to follow this blog to get you out of your funk!
  • The Shameful Sheep  Here’s another blog that will having you laughing or peeing just a wee bit in your pants.  If you have stitches, it’s best you not start reading until you get the stitches out!  She says (or writes) what I think.  Plus, the sheep scrolly logo is pretty darn cute!
  • Bad Cat Chris Lots of great cat photos.  However, I still haven’t figured out if the blogger means that the cat is bad as in naughty-naughty, or bad mutha f*cker!  Nonetheless, we all know that all Chris’s are bad.  My brother is a prime example, but that’s another story for another day.
  • Rise of the Phoenix This blog is both inspirational and touching.  She posts a lot, but with pics and manageable posts I can’t read enough of.  Some days she shares her personal experience heart and other days she gives inspiration — most often she does both.
  • Coco Baba This is a mainly a photo blog.  Great pics of her little ferret.  She hasn’t posted recently, so I can only worry that her ferret may not be doing well.  😦
  • Bailey Boat Cat Lovely photos of a feline afloat!
  • Casa Az This blogger is out of Spain with lovely pics — many of them cats and enough photos of tapas to make you want to travel to Spain.
  • Two Cats Views LOTS of wonderful photos for all you cat junkies like me!   MEOW!
  • Dr. Jen Gunter You didn’t think you’d get through this list without having something or someone related to hysterectomy, did you?  No, Dr. Jen is much more than that … she wields the lasso of truth!
  • Katzen World This hands down, or paws down, is the cattiest blog out there!  Lots of belly rub photos … you cat lovers know what I mean!
  • A Girl Named Wanda This blog is like the tamer, gentler, kinder version of Hot Mess Memoir above.  Just so you know Wanda’s real name isn’t Wanda, and I’m beginning to think not only is there a “Where’s Waldo?”, but “Where’s Wanda?” as these days she seems to be MIA!

Now remember *if* your blog isn’t here it’s because I hate you, we’re in a fight, you started posting only book reviews, your blog is too new & I can’t judge you yet, I can’t remember who you are, your blog is too embarrassing to let others know I follow you (and that’s a lot of YOU) or none of the above … I simply just didn’t list YOUR awesome, amazing, life-changing blog for whatever reason! 🙂

Blog Cat

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t find more flowers.

I recently told a friend, yes a friend in REAL F*CKING LIFE (IRFL) that I have a blog.

flower mug humor … hold on to your pantaloons … I’ll get to the “more flowers” part soon enough and surprise you (oops, no more surprise) with a cat video at the end (I know all the cat lovers are skipping to the bottom of this post now … oh well, c’est la vie).

HER: “Why didn’t you tell me you had a blog?!”

ME: “Well, it just never come up.  Like ever.”

I’m thinking uh, how do I fit in, ‘Hey, I have blog about my hysterectomy experience when you’re telling me about your husband calling you a fat lazy *$%@!, some bully at school pushing your little special needs daughter who wears braces down onto the asphalt, and how your sister never got in touch with you after you disclosed your kidney cancer diagnosis.’  

JUST. DIDN’T. SEEM. APPROPRIATE.  There really wasn’t room for me and my hysterectomy blog.

HER: “What is your blog about?”

ME:  “My hysterectomy … my experience with my hysterectomy.”

HER: Wait, this means you can’t have kids!!! no shit sherlock lightpink You’re close to 50 and you’re not going to have kids.  Didn’t you look into IVF or adoption?!  Does your dad know you had a hysterectomy … and your husband’s parents — what do THEY think?!”

ME:  “I had the hysterectomy June 2014.  I couldn’t take the monthly pain anymore and said if by 45 I didn’t have a HEALTHY child (not perfect), the baby house was coming out.   We didn’t want to do anything to have a baby unless it happened naturally.  Remember, I’ve always been that ‘maybe baby’ person … I know you’ve always wanted babies and children since we met (age 12), but that hasn’t been my story.

I had already told her this a few times before … but repetition is the mother of learning … or someone on the internet says so.

No, no, I haven’t told my dad.  I’ve got a post on that — THAT DAD POST. — you can read about it there.  And no, I haven’t told my parents-in-law either.  I also discuss the reasons for not telling them there as well.

I wonder if she’ll ever really look up my blog and find those answers.  I know she is baffled that after our 36-year-friendship — we live in different states — as to why I haven’t told her about my hysterectomy (and blog).  It’s not personal … it seriously just didn’t come up.

WHY I DON’T TELL PEOPLE I’VE HAD A HYSTERECTOMY.

HER:  “Wait, how about your brother … he’s still in prison, right?  Does he know?!”

ME:  Laughing, “Um no, he’s not in prison, has never been in prison, just jail time in the past for alcohol-drug problems, but no, he doesn’t know either. heart but not in life The last time I spoke with him was when I was talking about a problem in 2011 or 2012 and he played the devil’s advocate taking the side of a total stranger … I decided this isn’t who I want in my life, since I was the only one making our relationship work anyway.  So, no he doesn’t know.  And he’s not in prison or jail, just some kind of 1/4 house he used to manage, but now lives in a trailer or some type of boarding room.  I don’t know.  My dad keeps up with him.”

I wonder if my friend will actually read my blog.  She does have 3 children after all!  I always imagine people with children barely having time to do anything let alone read about a subject they have zero interest in. cat mama someecard I went on to tell her she is the only person IRL who’ll have read it … that I know of and I feel weirded out by that.  I like my “anonymous” audience.  YOU!  Yes, my husband has glanced at the blog but: 1) he dislikes reading for pleasure or entertainment, and 2) he couldn’t care less about hysterectomies.  You think he might glance at it for the cat pics, but alas he’s too busy doing other things … which is good because otherwise the outside of our house would probably go to sh*t if he didn’t!

Back to those “more flowers” … so, remember THIS POST?  though dear ol’ hubby must have given me flowers after my hysterectomy, but after going back and rereading some of my previous posts, voilà I discover the only flowers I mention are from my Gyn’s office and my work group.

From GOING HOME AFTER SURGERY:

  • PLEASE beware of the ugly photo in the above post.  You’ve been warned!

And I forgot to mention I did get two flower arrangements during this short stay! I was completely surprised: one was from my Gyn’s office and the other from my work group. I was completely, completely surprised! It was nice to have some flowers for a surgery stay I thought no one else would blink an eye over.

I brought this up to my husband and I remember him explaining to me that I already had two flower arrangements (albeit small and not personal from a close loved one AKA husband.) I couldn’t find a mention of where my husband gave me flowers.  He swears he did, he says I was medicated and don’t remember.  I think it’s sad that I didn’t mention receiving any flowers from him if I did, nor did I take a photo.  He’s mad now that I think he didn’t give me flowers, but I’m not mad if he didn’t.  But I also believe it’s possible he gave me flowers too … damn!  I wish I would have taken a picture. 😦

NO AMOUNT OF FLOWERS WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR ME! 

red poppy animated gif

Ironically, as I write this post … my husband is outside sowing poppy seeds!

We shall never really know … it’s one of those “he said, she said” things … one of those times when you need the actual scribe and witness taking notes on the relationship as it happens.  We really don’t have any third parties hanging around taking notes or recording our relationship for future arguments (AKA discussions) or quality assurance  … unless you count the cats … and well, cats make terrible eye witnesses!

Speaking of relationships, here’s one such video for all you cat fans! ❤

A French Cat Looks for Love in America

 

Do people REALLY think this?

colorful uterus drawing

Apparently some people, some women think that your other internal parts fall out of you after a hysterectomy.

Say what?!   I can understand how we have … some of us have such misconceptions about the human body because we don’t teach much about human physiology and anatomy in the U.S. school system.  THIS BLOWS MY MIND!

grumpy-cat-about-smart

We learn about history, pretty much I’ve forgotten about, nearly 99% to be sure, but I wasn’t so hot at math and probably have forgotten about 110% of that … but my body, I’m still living with my body and grades K (is Kindergarten a grade?) through 12 didn’t teach me much about my body, except for 4th grade where we learned about penises, vaginas, sperm, periods and fertilization.

cat science cartoon weird

There was science where we learned about how many calories a peanut has when burned, the anatomy of worms and frogs, tectonic plate shifting (is this even the correct terminology for this theory?) and a bit about electricity.

BUT WHY THE HELL DID WE NOT LEARN ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY?!  I could go on a rant about this, but I will spare you because well, I just finished reading all the posts I follow and I’ve got to get dressed to go out to lunch.  Yes, a rough life, I know.

education importance

We take our bodies with us wherever we go.  We live with our bodies until we die.  We live with other bodies (some smelling better than others).  I’m not sure why academic curricula (in the U.S.) doesn’t spend more time on the human body.  I’m very confused by this.  And this, of course, is one of the reasons why we have old white men who have degrees in history or political science making laws about the health and reproductive choices (and limitations) of women.  THIS DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!  OK, obviously another potential rant that I will avoid … but how the hell do women think their parts are going to fall out of their body after a hysterectomy?  Who tells them this?

WE NEED TO HELP SCHOOL SYSTEMS EVOLVE AND PUT MORE SCIENCE IN OUR TEACHING!  (this includes the BEAUTIFUL & INTERESTING human body)

hope image

P.S.  I realize what I’m about to reveal is anecdotal and NOT SCIENCE, but I swear on my word that since my hysterectomy of almost two years ago, nothing, and I mean nothing has fallen, crawled or dangled from my vagina — no intestinal loop, no bladder bulge, no gold coins (or silver) … NOTHING has fallen from my vagina since my hysterectomy … not even tiny cute little kittens!  I’m intact and everything DOWN THERE is working well.

112 kids

AND this type of information is why we have people who don’t know how the human body works!

Why are you visiting a HYSTERECTOMY blog?

My stats are zooming!  What’s wrong with you people?!  I said I’d given up on the hysterectomy blog … I said goodbye (but not good riddance).  I have no more to say.  Me and my lack of uterus are just fine thank you.

THE END.

I’m now suffering from old-lady-neck-oastoarthritis if you must know and there’s no such thing as a neckectomy!  So, I won’t be writing a blog on how I got rid of my neck.

Oh, I get it … you want to see more cat stuff.  You silly people.  SERIOUSLY.

all-in-all-another-cat-in-the-wall-pink-floyd

P.S. I already fed my controlling cats so I was able to break away and write a post.  Thank your lucky stars those beasts are fed!  If you have cats you know what I mean.  If you don’t have cats, go get one (or two, three, four or more).  If you have dogs, well, duh, those mongrels are hungry ALL the time!  Dog is another name for needy.