My Proactive Thought for Today!

Since my last post MY PARANOID THOUGHT I have been thinking about ovarian cancer and my ever-increasing girth — the weight gain just in my mid-section.  My legs and arms are still thin — a body shape I like to call the “beetle body” — something I swear I’d never have (or want) … NOT to be confused with the 1988 movie Beetlejuice! 


Beetle body — skinny legs and plump “torso”.

My earrings and socks still fit without problems! Yay me — no obese earlobes!  While I spent a lot of time today thinking about “how fat I am” — a thought I never used to have. I also thought about this whole get-healthier-weight-loss process as a journey.  It took me a while to pack on this weight and now it’s going to take some time to take it off … too bad I can’t just drink it off!

My proactive thought is patience.

Yep, patience with myself and constant reminders of how I got here and how to get off the BMFT — Belly McFat Train!  Today I had a salad and it actually filled me up without the gluttony guilt.  I was “good” for at least one day.  Tomorrow is around the corner though …

How did I get into the stupor of eating and drinking whatever?

HOW did I get here?!  Because this is not me.  I haven’t lived in this place … this state of mind or stomach.  I have been eating and drinking to assuage stress, tension, tune out and eat everything I’ve never tried before.  It’s like an alien took over my body or I woke up one day experimenting on myself by seeing what the experience of gluttony was.  I can see why people like gluttony though!  Just look at Louis C.K.! (YouTube: Louis CK on “getting fat”).

chicken cartoon gluttony

More fun at Savage Chickens!

Yesterday I thought about wine and how somehow I’ve become Bacchus in female form. Where did I get to the point I thought numbing myself out with food and drink was OK? Is this a mid-life crisis? I don’t feel super depressed or worthless or anything … I don’t feel exactly inspired nor energetic either.  I used to go to yoga and do things … and then Netflix took over my brain.  I’m tired of movies now … seriously.  I cancelled my mail subscription, but the hubby still has streaming online because I’m not quite ready to break off completely yet!  (nor is he)


Cat Netflix movies?  Too good to be true?

cat-violent-thrillers Fake Netflix

Wait, wait, wait … if these cat flicks are real then I’ve definitely cancelled my subscription prematurely!  Oh folks … these are only faux feline films!  As the good searchologist I am (not to be confused with Scientologist which I am definitely NOT) these are not legit movies … yet.


God of the grape harvest, Bacchus is the liberator, whose wine, music and ecstatic dance frees his followers from self-conscious fear and care. He is the patron deity of agriculture and the theatre.

Bacchus Cat

Bacchus as a cat … a big one.  And yikes, what is that little boy to the right doing?  Peeing?  This is truly odd art even before the cat was added!

This truly explains a lot … I have become possessed by Bacchus!  Too bad I’m not Catholic or I could have an exorcism.  Oh well … I’ll have to figure things out as usual.  One of the reasons AKA blame-excuses I use with my enchantment of wine is due to the awesome blog Wine Folly!  I MUST tell you not to click on that hyperlink because if you have any liking or interest in wine you won’t make it back to read this post … you’ll be sucked into the awesome vortex of how wine is explained in understandable terms, then you will want some wine, then you will drink some wine and some more … then the double vision will start and alas I will have lost you.  So whatever you do DO NOT CHECK OUT WINE FOLLY!  Please don’t for the love of my blog!  Oh f-cm it … I can’t control what you do online!

I have LOTS of excuses why I don’t & won’t get healthy:

  • My right great toenail is split vertically so I have to wait for that to mend.  (There is a story behind this and I’m not going there … don’t worry, nothing kinky or weird.)
  • I’m still healing emotionally from the “friend” who stood me up for yoga — twice!
  • Yoga reminds me of being “rejected”.
  • I simply need to accept my peri-menopausal, post-hysterectomy body as is.
  • I’ve eaten healthy for so long in the past that I need to try the “other side”.
  • I’ll start working out and getting fit when the majority of people around me do.
  • I’ll get physically fit when I’m truly appreciated by people — ha ha ha ha — that’s the funniest one of all!   (and the MOST delusional)
unicorn delusional humor

Not an actual recent photo of me or my cat.  The unicorn, however, is real.

I’m OK without wine with dinner tonight.  No big deal. Somehow I think I’m European or something … but without all the walking and fresh organic eating … merely the French, Italian & Spanish wine drinking — enough to make someone European, isn’t it?

And now I have decided to give up coffee — not that I drink a lot by any means, but I notice the few times I have coffee I get screaming hunger pains several hours later.  Coffee abstinence will be easy and help me move in the right direction of decreasing my cravings of needing wanting to eat almost continuously! I can finally remove the food bag from around my neck!

horse feed bag morral

A horse’s feed bag — called a morral.  Your new vocabulary word!  Use it 5 times today in a sentence. Or better yet strap one on and eat away!

I dream of what I will eat as I drive home thinking if I should stop by this fancy grocery store or the other one or maybe get take-out … again.  My brain has somehow been highjacked by food obsession.  I SWEAR I have been overtaken by the Goddess equivalent of Bacchus.  I’m not implying I’m a Goddess but I’m not implying I’m not … yet!  There is always hope!

It has been however many days since I wrote my last post and I’ve LOST 6 lbs. (2.7 kG for the Euros out there, and 0.42 stones for all the Druids) due to eating healthy, taking the stairs whenever possible, not drinking any alcohol, eating much more fiber, avoiding added sugar and swigging loads of water.  I’ve always heard in the beginning of weight loss it’s usually mostly water weight that’s lost BUT if I’ve been consuming gobs of water, how could this loss only be water weight?

I got on the scale this morning, and woo hoo, the weight-loss train is coming to my house and picking me up!  Choo choo! Train eat humor

I high-fived the hubby and put on some pants where the buttons weren’t about to bust off. (click on the Louis CK YouTube link for more details on ill-fitting pants)

It’s a journey and I’m taking it!

All aboard!

PS: Just how does this post relate to hysterectomy?  Were any of you severely disappointed realizing this post wasn’t a bonafide hysterectomy post?  If so, please complain in the comments section.  Also, any and all cat comments will be appreciated.






PART I: Weight loss after hysterectomy … Is such a thing possible?

dreaming skinnyI’ve been waiting quite some time to write this post because I wanted to be sure I could be committed to working on my issue of weight loss post-hysterectomy.  I have gained almost 20 lbs. (9 kG or 1.4 stones) since last year or roughly 15 months after my hysterectomy.

Wow, stones don’t sound so bad … I can see why people in the UK and Ireland might be reluctant to change to kG.  On a daily basis I have to ask my patients what their weight is.  Many of the women groan or make a comment like, “too much.”  Sometimes I give them their converted weight in kG and tell them they could use that number if it makes them feel better … the usual response is a laugh.

Just to make things fun and confusing, let’s just say my weight last year at this time was 7.64 stones and recently it has been 9 stones.  See what I mean?!  A weight gain of seven to nine stones doesn’t seem like any big deal.  Those of you UKers & Irelanders are probably thinking, What’s the big deal, you skinny bird?!

Well … it IS a big deal because it’s my body and it’s the most I have weighed in my life!  EVER!  This has never been my normal weight.  Granted, I’m not in line for bariatric surgery and I don’t want to get there for sure.  I am uber supportive of weight-loss surgery for anyone who wants it for health reasons.

Weight is just one clue doctors look to for an indicator of poor health. But to see what’s really going on, they have to peek under the hood. The scale is not a proxy for your health, says Dr. Church, director of the Laboratory of Preventive Medicine at Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Baton Rouge.


Weight has been an issue my whole life … most likely not in the way you are imagining.  No, I wasn’t the fat girl … I was the skinny girl.  If you don’t think there’s problems with being thin and I’m not referencing health problems … I’m talking about subtle bullying and discrimination.  Yep, thin Lizzies are discriminated against and subtle comments are thrown our way endlessly and needlessly.  It’s the whole skinny shaming.  And if you are doing it STOP IT!  Trust me people, my becoming fat won’t make you happier, and no, no you will not look thinner because I gain weight.

I have experienced this delightful (sarcasm) treatment from friends, co-workers, my boss and strangers.  Although, oddly, I’ve never received anything passive-aggressive, judgy or negative from any males throughout my life in regard to being TOO thin. On the flip side, there have been times when I was thin and was then accused of being overweight by men in two different relationships.  Both of these twig & berries people are history.  twigandberries

For instance I have been told, “You’re too thin,” “You don’t need to go to the gym, you’re so skinny,” “You probably don’t eat,” “You have anorexia,” “You’re anemic,” “You’re so thin and I’m so fat” and many more mean things that I refuse to relive by posting them here … and countless other little verbal jabs and stabs — you know, those backhanded compliments.  I have been excluded from hot tub & pool parties and not because I had some smokin’ hot body … I was just skinny.  But in truth, I’ve always been skinny-fat.

What Is Skinny FAT?

There is a medical term floating around for this syndrome now known as “MONW” or metabolically obese normal weight, which means being a “skinny fat” person. This means you are under lean and over fat or not enough muscle and too much fat (specifically belly fat.) Shockingly, it is better to be fat and fit, than thin and out of shape [my emphasis].

The Skinny Fat Body Type:

  • Thin in clothes, but bare skin shows some flabby areas
  • Cheerio-sized wrists
  • Weak, non-muscled arms with dilapidated deltoids
  • Love handles, abdomen & lower chest are main areas of fat accumulation
  • Wide waist

Sadly this is me to a T.  Not only have I been ridiculed and chastised for being thin, I’m actually not very healthy body wise.  Who knew?

When you’re eating a diet high in sugar and processed foods, it causes visceral fat storage, and that can lead to all sorts of risk factors of being overweight, says Dr. Mark Hyman.

Some things that only skinny-fat people will understand from Thought Catalog:

  1. Medium-size clothes are your nemesis. They’re too tight, exposing every roll, wrinkle, and crevice. Large-size clothes are too loose. The fit resembles that of a child who raided their parent’s closet.
  2. All it takes is one hefty meal to get you big time bloated. Your food baby causes your belly to resemble a 2-months-into-pregnancy tummy.
  3. When you go into healthy mode, it’s difficult to deny who you really are. You can eat chicken breast and brown rice for lunch, but if you come across cookies, cakes, pies and brownies, your resistance is futile. God forbid the junk food be free, then it’s just blasphemous to pass on. Even when you’re being healthy, you’ll find ways to make not particularly healthy choices. Like, a full steak and asparagus meal at 3 am.
  4. Your fat loves assembling in the same inconvenient spot that you don’t want it. Belly, thighs, face – one of those is likely to seem like it’s taking the brunt of any weight gains. You’re not immune to a double, triple or even quadruple chin. We’ve all seen ourselves on front cam, with the phone staring up at us and it’s basically the world’s least flattering mirror.
  5. Immediately after a workout you’ll look in the mirror feeling hopeful that there’ll be a fresh set of abs or bulging biceps happening on your body. There won’t be — but you definitely feel like it’s feasible enough that it’s worth checking for a six-pack.
  6. AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE … Nobody has any tolerance for you complaining about your body because you’re not blatantly overweight, and it comes off as an obnoxious person fishing for compliments to stroke their ego.

Now that I’ve figured out I’m skinny-fat and am accepting of this changeable situation, the real work has begun.  Since my last real post three weeks ago How to gain weight AFTER a hysterectomy I have lost four pounds by simply stopping sweet eating and not drinking alcohol.  I haven’t done anything more special than this.  However, losing weight while being skinny-fat isn’t the real solution to this so-called fat or weight gain problem.

Hint: The solution is not running or exercising more … at least not for us skinny-fats!  Which comes as quite a relief since I loathe aerobic activity.  The only running I do is  … away … or to … depending upon what food awaits me!

I’ll explore this topic more in PART II: Weight loss after hysterectomy …

In the meantime, while you check the fridge for yummies, pass out candy to unsuspecting sugar victims this halloween waiting for my next great writing masterpiece, read this: Crash Diets and Too Much Cardio: The Road to Getting Skinny-Fat.  This is the best article I’ve come across in my new me post-hysterectomy health conscious journey.  Enjoy! 🙂


PS: For all you cat junkies out there … here’s something for you.  This made me chuckle today.

halloween kittiescontinued